Ah, the potty training. Ah. Back to that in mere moments.

The fast, is over. Long live meat and sweets. We prayed for Richy Tuesday night, and it was good. Really good. We didn't have a miraculous instant healing, but something definitely happened. So now we're just watching to see what God is up to.

The potty training has gone something like this. Toby, he is naked all the time. Can't keep a diaper on him. So I start the traditional approach of making him sit on the potty every 30 minutes. Nada. He prefers to pee on the carpet. So I give up. Onesies, backwards diapers, overalls... I haven't started duct tape yet. (yes, I'm serious). And somewhere along the way, he decides he will put his potty in front of the TV during Sesame Street and do some bizness. When I'm not even in there. And then he figures out if he tells me, he gets to flush the potty. So the pee marathon, it begins. We are flushing the potty literally almost constantly.
So I taught him how to climb up there and I'm out of a job. Now, if I can just figure out how to convince him to wear some undies... or pants. Shoot, a toga. Whatever. But stop the nudity. Please.

I am fasting the internets for the final 3 days of this Daniel fast... feel like I need to intensify and get my heart right.

So that was yesterday, today and tomorrow. I'll be back on Tuesday evening and Smartypants will be in business (excellent Smartypants fodder) Wednesday morning.

Pray for me, I need a breakthrough. Muchos besas y gracias felicidad.


hee hee

We interrupt this blog

for a letter from Richy (the bigger one)

---

The Official on the Clarks Move

To our MCF family,

First of all, please forgive me for not writing an official letter sooner. I want to fill you in on all the exciting things that are happening with our family for ’08. I’m going to state these things from a very personal level, as I hope to answer some of the questions I’ve heard regarding these changes.

As many of you know, Jess and I lost our twins in 2004. Up until that time, I was fairly familiar with having a strong direction for my life in ministry, having served locally as a youth leader, then launching out with Radiant Ministry. After 2004, we felt God re-arranging things in our lives. We were to slow things down with Radiant and focus locally for a season, while still taking some ministry opportunities abroad. We helped with several prayer initiatives, and spent a year doing the Rad Rev outreach at Sanctuary Church. I am very encouraged to see the Holy Spirit emphasizing prayer through MCF, and am personally confident that many things have been set in place, by God, for a sustained manifestation of Himself in Montgomery Co! (as the Lord would have it) Also, Charles has launched his Friday outreach at Sanctuary to the college age, which is going well, and giving many young people an opportunity to serve and grow in their walks with God.

For the last few years, I’ve been receiving many words and dreams regarding the Lord bringing us through a season of discipline and training, for future ministry. Much of these past 3 years have been that, including 1 year spent back in the “normal” workforce! Jess and I have been through, what many ministers know as, a “stripping process.” This is where we get to see what we are made of! Not fun, but necessary for all of us who want to go strong for God!

Hos. 6:1-3 says,
“Come, and let us return to the LORD; For He has torn, but He will heal us;
He has stricken, but He will bind us up. After two days He will revive us; On the third day He will raise us up, That we may live in His sight.
Let us know, Let us pursue the knowledge of the LORD. His going forth is established as the morning; He will come to us like the rain…”

The third day (year) is here for Jess and I, it’s resurrection time! I believe the Lord has knit our hearts together with the MCF congregations through all of these trials Jess and I have been through,. The prayer support of our church family has been an exceedingly great comfort and I believe will bear much fruit for the kingdom through our lives and our children! I have learned a lot about leaning and being carried these last few years. This is true “body life,” as the Scripture states ”bearing one another's burdens.” I do not believe this bond has to change, no matter what venture our Father has for the Clark family, and I hope to stay knit together in love.
During our trip to Nashville 7/7/7, Jess and I felt strongly impressed to spend a season in Kansas City, with the IHOP and Call ministries. This truly came as a “left field” impression, and was confirmed by several influential people in our lives, even during the trip. Looking back, Jess discovered multiple dreams in my dream journal about a time in Kansas City, including one she had. (Though I’ve always interpreted them differently, as many times man does.) After a few weeks of prayer and some counsel, …and a few more dreams during this time; we made the decision to go with, what we are convinced, is God’s plan for a season. We view this as not only a special ministry assignment, but a time for Jess and I to get “filled” with the heart and vision God has for our lives. (We’ve been torn, but now comes the rain) We will be serving this season as missionaries in the house of prayer, and volunteering our time to the Call as well. This is a very uncomfortable place for me, as I am familiar with a full time worship / preaching ministry, but not this! I could see God, if He wills, using our time in KC to even bless Montgomery County! Oh God is so much bigger than us! Jess and I will be raising $2000.00 in monthly support beginning in December. We would love for our friends and family to partner with us for God’s kingdom purposes.

Trials tend to cause the natural man to recoil into himself. I feel like our church family has been so gracious to us during this great season of trial. “Each man’s work will be tested by fire.” I know by the grace of God that he is making us into humble, selfless servants who will live every moment in love. May His kingdom come! “We will all be changed!”

- Richy Clark and family
--
We are starting a new prayer and financial support page under
http://www.richyclark.com which will have updates and online support!

Also, I excited about our new CD! Check out a sample at http://www.radiantworship.com Much love -R

Richy is doing really well. We have to make an appointment with the neurologist for 3 weeks or so from now, and we'll be able to talk medication then. The stuff he is on is ruining his teeth, and this higher dosage keeps him a little groggy. I'll take groggy over seizures any day, but maybe there's a better option.

It's a weird place, to be praying for his healing but planning for things to stay the same. Like drugs and action plans and so on...
Here's the thing- I don't think it's God's will for R2 to stay this way. I think God wants to heal him. All the way. I just don't know how to "make" that happen. So I will pray, and wait.
In the meantime, I do enjoy him.... he is such a funny, goofy little guy.

Toby is practicing his ear-piercing screech. No, not just now. All the time. That's right, all screaming, all the time. This has to be a phase. It has to. Otherwise, it will never end. I choose phase.

Ms. Smartypants is back in business! Ask your questions, maybe get an answer! Questions of a general nature can be submitted today through Monday morning, and will be answered (or not) Monday at naptime!

Also, I said it the other day pre-crisis, new pictures on me picture blahg. Comment-vous!

Home

This is a familiar feeling, coming home from the hospital. So relieved and so grateful to have a backseat full of voices.

Last night, they started talking about possibly letting us go home, but we knew that could change if one doctor wanted to observe him longer, or he didn't meet this standard or that one. So we waited, and waited. R2 got really sick of the room, so they unhooked his monitors and IV's (they were still in, just capped) and he explored the room a little, and went down to the playroom and conquered the Potatoheads, and so on. All day I had to force him to eat Jello, because he had to eat something and his throat was so raw from the ventilator. Later, they brought in a tray of meatloaf and mac and cheese, and he inhaled it. Poor kid. I guess he just doesn't care for Jello.
Finally, the Neurology team showed up. The head of Neurology is Dr. Slopis, and he was there when R2 was in the NICU there. I remember him sitting with us for a long time, showing us the CT scans (in 1999) and explaining where the blood was, and what had happened in R2's brain, and what it would probably mean, long term. So here he is, 8 years later. And he remembered us, and remembered those scans. He walked in saying, "This can't be a 24 weeker!" He was just so excited and upbeat. The MRI, CT, and EEGs had all come back good, no further brain damage or issues with the shunt. (we're already talking miracles)

Now, being well versed in this routine, I am feeling a little nervous. Because you answer one question wrong, and not only are you spending another night in the hospital, but the little guy is probably getting stuck and prodded and scanned and it's miserable. So Dr. Slopis asks us if he can walk, since the seizure. And I am nervous, because he has been walking, but he's irritable and wobbly (R2), so we go for a little walk with the team of neurologists watching. And I'm down the hall watching them watch us walk, and I'm in that realm. But get this, R1 is in the room with the docs, and Dr. Slopis is shaking his head and saying, "Amazing."

He is marveling at how the child he knows should be non-functional, if even alive, is such a miracle. They are watching him hobble down the hall with wonder.
About an hour later, we were driving home.

Thank you all so much for praying. We have turned the corner on this thing, praise God.

R2 had a bad seizure yesterday afternoon. He didn't stop seizing when he normally would, and was not getting good oxygen and starting to struggle to breathe, so we took him into the ER. After another 20+ minutes, he was still seizing a lot. They gave him a drug to stop the seizure, and he stopped breathing. So they called a code, and everybody rushed in from everywhere and it looked like, for a little while, that we might lose him. God intervened, and we prayed through that. He was intubated (put on a ventilator) and life-flighted to Hermann downtown.

Here, he started coming out of the sedation but was still really groggy. They ran an MRI and CT scan (these are brain scans) and several Xrays. Late last night he started waking up enough to want the ventilator out, NOW. He was gagging and bucking and really, really mad. We had to really fight for it, but we got the ventilator removed.

It's not funny, but he is such a peaceful, placid kid, and he was furious. He was screaming at the nurses. "NO! NO! CALM DOWN! NO!" We were trying not to laugh at the poor baby because he was about to start flipping hospital beds. Good sign.
He calmed down once everyone quit touching him, and then he started getting sad.

He fought sleep all night because he couldn't lay on his tummy. Several times he flipped over and disconnected his cannula and occluded IVs and wrapped cords all around him, and they would have to come flip him back. Finally this morning they figured out a massive cast-like thing to secure his IV, and then he was able to sleep on his stomach for a while.

Now, he's almost back. He's really jittery and irritable from the pain, but talking and I made him laugh a couple of times.
We've been moved to a less critical area of the ICU, and we should be able to talk to the doctors in a couple of hours.

Good reports, the CT scan and the MRI both look good. So, it is probably not his shunt malfunctioning.
They are doing an EEG now, which measures what's going on brain-wave/seizure wise.

We love you all, and thank you so much for all the prayer and support. Please keep praying.

Some recap-page

I left you on Friday... so, a recap. Friday, we got lost in Vegas some more. Went to three services at the School of Intercession. Ate at In-N-Out. Friday night Mike Bickle preached at the service. I'm not much of a sit-and-listener, but I did. And it was good.
Don't like thinking about the end times, though. But I think I would be less fearful if I was closer to Jesus... gotta work on it. That simple.

Saturday morning we woke up for the Call- Hannah got in from the airport around 2ish... AM. We sleep-talked for a while, and then the alarm clock went off at 5. Oops. That was supposed to be set for 6. So I was wide awake after that and lay there wishing I was asleep for an hour. At 6 we got ready. The guys... who knows. I called at 645 and nobody answered. Sheesh.
At 7 we left for our 7:30 sound check. We arrived at the Thomas and Mack Center at 7:06. So, you know... we stood around for a while, took some pictures, prayed... and went in to the stadium to stand around with our gear until 7:45 when they were ready for us.

Now before I talk about the Call, let me give this disclaimer. I don't speak for Richy, or Radiant, or the Call. These are just my impressions and my heart, which is undoubtedly a little hard. I'm being saved.
The stadium was basically empty- remember, this is 2 hours before the event begins. There were a couple hundred people there, mostly volunteers and ushers and such. We starting what Richy calls a "D piddle" which is just piddling around in the key of D and singing spontaneously. And there was such a sweetness. Just being there, in that empty stadium singing to Jesus. Simplicity. Later it got a little harder. Our goal was lifting the opression. Breakthrough. Somewhere during You are Holy that began to happen.
So it was good. It wasn't easy, but good.

We left to take Nate and Hannah back to the airport (and the Shatter Festival) pretty soon after we finished. So we weren't there for the beginning of the ten o'clock set. But the rest of the day was good. I think that we (people) connect more with this or that cause. So the focuses (foci?) of this Call were not as close to our hearts as Nashville. But we did pray, and worship, and pray, and fast. All day.

The thing with mass intercession like that is, there are ebbs and flows. You're praying or worshipping, and somebody hits on something that is in sync with God's heart in that moment, and zooooom the momentum just takes off and a room of 6000+ people are crying out in unison for one cause. And it is exhilirating. And emotional. And then, it slows down. And you wait, and pray... and hit it again.

But in that moment... you are in destiny. And you (I mean I) can breathe for a minute. It's the right place, at the right time.

This is already maybe the longest blog post I've ever written, and I don't know if anybody will even read the whole thing. So I'll finish the trip update tomorrow.

Oh, and new pics on my picture blog! Click here

where angels fear to tread

Only a brave or stupid woman would be blogging with this many little boys in her house... especially since they are all downstairs and I am up. BUT I can hear all their individual little voices and shrieking and the toy laptop and so forth... so here I go.
Lunch of mac and cheese with hot dogs yesterday. Everybody was chowing down except Graceson... he is looking disgruntled. So I say, "Hey- eat your food!" After a few more prompts, he says in an annoyed tone. "I need some ketchup!"
Of course, ketchup.

It was a good day... a few fights broke out. Some definite commandment breaking what with the stealing and coveting and not honoring the Sabbath by taking a nice long nap.
(As I write this, I have been joined by Toby, and R2, and then Graceson informing me that Izzy needs a spanking. Now Izzy has joined us as well. So there you go.)

Our garage is now separated into what the MOG calls "the sheep and the goats", that is, what is to be kept and what is to be donated. We have taken advantage of "large item Thursday" by our trash guys and emptied A LOT into the landfills and such, securing for ourselves our place in the carbon footprint hall of fame. So progress is being made. Slowly.

And I, I am existing. I am relatively happy and at peace. I just feel like I'm speeding past goalposts that might be important but they're already gone. I need to breathe. I need to find the secret place somewhere in here.

wow

I don't want to jinx myself.... but Toby has slept from 10-6 for like
3 days now.... crazy. I have to adjust to sleeping through the night.
What a good problem.

ugh.

Pray for me. I need to want God. I need to love His word.
I don't.
It's just not alive to me. I read it and it all feels monotone...
like a chore. I don't want that...

what if
I call for You
and You don't come

what if
I'm waiting
and You're busy

what if
You do come
and You don't like me

what if
You change everything
and I don't like it

what if
I try really hard
and I still can't find You

what if
everybody asks me where You are
and I don't know what to say

what if?

Last night

What a neat homegroup.... We had 10 or 15 people, I guess.... and the Holy Spirit was there.

I feel like I'm waking up. I can't even describe it. Just all of the sudden I'm cooking again- literally cooking food for the joy of creating... I'm writing a little... making friends again... laughing loud again. Last night I prayed out loud for someone - I think it's been a year.

I guess
this is the joy that comes in the morning

And maybe I can see again
I hope

I think
It's safe to open my arms
And welcome in the prodigals

Maybe I am somehow becoming
Whole again
I am

I find
That I can laugh again
And cry from more than grief

This ending
is a beginning
the sun is out
I see