Smartypants

jess said...
Ms. Smartypants-
Why, at 4:30 on Friday, are there NO questions for your enlightening column?
Well, “Jess”, and may I say, what a lovely name and articulate question!! Ruling out a nuclear explosion in the metropolis of Conroe, Texas- this reporter would assume her readers were “testing the water”.


josharoo said...
Dear Ms. Smartypants, 
How big of pants does it take to be so smarty? Would shorts do?
My dear reader- this is one of those questions a gentleman never asks a lady. Yankee traditions have no hold here in the beautiful nation of Texas.


clammy said...
Dear Ms. Smartypants,
In reference to this week's introduction, "We reserve the right to skip questions because our brain gets tired. But go ahead and ask! "
.......
Who exactly is "we"?
“We” could be a reference to royalty, i.e. Queen Victoria’s statement “We are not amused.” Or, we are schizophrenic. But most of us do not believe this to be the case.


anonymous said...
Dear Ms Smartypants:
Why do I always need a nap on Saturdays & Sundays?
abc123

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,/ Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,/ As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.”
Edgar Allan Poe
(If you don’t know the story, this fellow is about to have BAD LUCK. Better to skip the nap)


anonymous said...
Ms Smartypants,
Why are some people so messy?! Why can't they be thoughtful enough to clean after themselves; put their dishes in the dishwasher or at least rinse them out in the sink?!
Why must they always leave food out on the countertop to tempt roaches & ants?!
What's up with them anyway? Is it laziness? Thoughtlessness? Stupidity? What! What! What???
First of all, my overexerted reader, calm down. Are your guests perhaps of the rodent variety? Like maybe a human sized rat? One cannot expect good manners from rats. They are notorious for slovenly habits. If your offenders are human, might I suggest, in the vernacular, a “whupping”. Does wonders.


clammy said...
Ms. Smartypants,
Why did Francis Schaeffer wear a skirt?
One morning, upon awakening in Plano, Texas, Francis SueEllen Schaeffer decided to forgo her fashionable lime green polyester slacks and white Dr. Scholls and instead opted for a tasteful blue polyester knee-length pleated skirt and brown Dr. Scholls, accompanied by a blue-tinted pair of size Q pantyhose. There were many reasons behind this choice, thought Tweety the obese Persian knock-off cat as he kneaded his claws into the needlepoint pillow of Princess Diana.
However, as cats are unable to speak, we may never know (this side of heaven) what drove Francis to this point.


viking granny :0) said...
Dear Ms.Spartymants
Why is it, every time I Need to balance checkbook, and go through my bills and paperwork, that I realize my closet needs cleaning out, or the floor needs to be swept, or the dog needs a good brushing?
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. ~Mark Twain


anonymous said...
Ms. Smartypants,
Why do you think you're smart enough to answer all these questions? 
I.B. Smarterer
“I.B.”- Have I given any indication, besides my pithy and wildly-successful weekly column, that I am smarter than the average run of the mill layperson? I ask you. As a representative of the weak-minded and malleable masses, you can tell me.