It used to bug me when people would look at R2 and say, "He's growing
so fast!"
I, aware of the diapers and the not walking until he was 4 and so on,
would just nod and smile.
Recently, I have become aware of a change. Life is moving quickly.
Last night, I was holding Toby and kind of walking him to sleep...
and his fuzzy little hair was sticking me in my mouth.
And I just had this thought, this part is almost over. He will be
crawling very soon, and getting bigger and bigger.
It just squeezed my heart. I almost feel panicked at the thought of
"losing" my baby.
Later, I went into Richy's room to put away some laundry. And he was
sleeping, sprawled on his stomach with his long legs sticking off the
bed.
I am here. I mean, I almost never leave these boys at all. And
somehow I still feel like I'm missing it.

Is this motherhood, this fleeting sense of ownership...
this reaching out to grasp, just as it becomes a memory
this holding and releasing
This blinking, and finding
change happening before your eyes

And even when I try to hold too tightly,
they evade my grasp
shadow boys