So, the crazy thing is nobody knows how to be a parent. We are actually
going trial and error on living human beings!
I mean, there's books and advice and grandmas and such.
But when you get down to it, you really have to figure it out yourself.
Poor babies.
Richy and I were talking about this last night... he just assumes I
know how to do everything.
Shoot, I'm bluffing!
I just feed him when he cries... change diapers... pat, swaddle, rock,
beg, plead, jiggle, bounce, cuddle, swing..... and again
And sometimes I wish there was someone else to take over.
But I am the mommy now. And it is what I wanted so desperately. And
really, even in the worst moments I am so happy to have my baby, so
happy to have made it here.
Since we're figuring it out- what do daddies do? I mean, with a
newborn. I want Richy to help but don't really know what I need help
with, you know?
And there's a lot of us new mommies out there.
So what can daddies do?
72 comments:
Daddys can change diapers and burp and learn to cuddle and comfort there child EARLY on so that baby knows Daddys smell also.
I'm with Terri on this one. Daddy's can do anything. I think the whole thing is mostly instinctual anyway. That is why you do all those wierd things like pat, rock,etc... Why would we do those things unless our instincts told us that was right? I mean really those are real strange things to do in a practical sense. And I believe Daddies have instincts also and can follow them about their babies also.
Second subject
Terri
I read what you wrote yesterday and yes, if you would please ask Jacob to contact me that would be awesome.
My email address in fresherrain@yahoo.com
I have his email but I dont know how often he reads it.
Or he can post here if he wants to and I will send him an email.
Thanks
G
he checks it pretty often when he's working
Thanks< Terri and Jess. I will email him too then. He will think it is WWIII.
Steve,
That is so cute the picture of you sitting next to her every night at the dinner table. That is so sweet.
I cant imagine you not being able to play. With your imagination? You have such a great imagination.
Hey! It's Toby's monthday! 2 months!
Toby's 2 months..
I saw that this morning! Yeah!
I agree with Terri also, besides nursing, dads can help & bond, etc just as much as mommies..
Hotrod, that is interesting how different children prefer mom or dad with different areas.. that'll be interesting to discover what our son is like.
I need to get ready for my chiropractor appt. later! I may write some special memories of my daddy later.. katwoman inspired me & it made me think of lots I have. My daddy was a great one!
ditto - daddies can do whatever mommies can do - PLUS! they don't have the emotional ups and downs tugging at our hearts/minds/bodies so they are more e v e n in the whole thing.
1)encouragement - once i was ready to give up b.feeding jeremiah and give a bottle, but john gently reminded me of our beliefs/goal and helped me to get comfortable, brought the baby to me in bed...brought me something to drink
2) helper - there are so many practical things such as laundry, changing diapers, fixing meals... most people have a few things they do well - figure out between you which things you will routinely just DO without being reminded...and things will work out better....
3) daddy games - little songs and funny little activities will bring the daddy and baby together and will give bonding time.. papa jc and our kids started a funny game when we just had two little girls... he would go hide somewhere and say "beep" in a really high pitch and they would have to find him...... then jeremiah joined the game as soon as he was old enough... that brought years of fun and memories... i guess the main component was and is...
T I M E AND F O C U S
those two things show love to children and allow bonding to happen...
(of course this wasn't totally thought out... just something 'off the cuff'...)
my dad was a carpenter... and a minister
my favorite memories of my childhood with him are
1) the smell of sawdust while he was working and i was allowed to go watch
2) the smell of sweat on his t- shirt as i rode in his old work truck right beside him
3) the taste of the tootsie rolls he bought me when i rode with him to the store to get milk/bread
4) the tickles he gave me to wear me out right before bedtime
5) the feel of nails and hammers and boards - because i spent so much time playing right next to where he was working...
i was the oldest of 3 daughters born in 3.5 years...so, my mom must've 'sent' me with my dad many times or i'd rather like to think that he actually 'took' me with him because he wanted to be with me...spend time with me...
so, whatever trade or activity the men have, there must be ways the little ones can go too......at times.....so that they can absorb their daddy's love...
i think one of papa jc's regrets is that he didn't become closer to jeremiah emotionally.....when j was little..... he really did try...but busy life (ministry) and differing personalities...and no good father/son role model in his own life..... set them up for deficiencies..... but GOD IS GOOD and thankfully, over this past 6 months they are rebuilding what could have been built long ago..... but, it's not too late... just a lot of pain we've had to go through...
my sister never let her husband do ANYTHING with her babies.....no diapers, no feedings, no nothing...and she regrets it to this day!!!she pushed him out of the loop...so he went on his way, not knowing better... she herself robbed those babies of that special relationship with their daddy... and now they are trying to rebuild the relationships...
another two bits' worth from me...
I dont like all this Daddy remembering. It is kind of painful.
That is ok. I have to leave anyway. Have a good day bloggers, I am off the schoolland. To be treated like I am twenty. Sometimes that is good and sometimes not so good.
i'm sorry G
i never knew your daddy......have only seen the one picture...
he looked like a very interesting person in that photograph with baby Jess....
i cannot imagine losing my dad... maybe oneday you can write to me about him...... if you wish to.....
again, sorry.....
what do you mean, Daniel???
once, when I was five yrs old, right after Sun morning church when we all had on our finest clothes, i ran into our apartment, thew on my swimsuit and ran back out and jumped into the deep end of the pool..... my mom had told me that TODAY was the day we could go swimming right after church, so in my child-likeness - i believed her and had noooo fear and did exactly that.....
i had not been in a swimming pool in 2-3 years and had no idea how to swim...... but had no fear.....
so, i found myself standing on the bottom of the deep end...standing there with a strange feeling.....like..... why am i not swimming??? and what now..??? fear started to creep in.....and then.....there was a huge splash and my DADDY jumped in to save me!!!!!!!!! He had on his full dress suit, tie, wallet....the only thing he kicked off were his shoes..... and he got me out of there..... I don't remember any scolding..... I just remember my DADDY rescuing me from the depths......
my parents were both 17 when they married, and 18 when i was born, and have made a lot of mistakes, trial and error...... but the fact that my daddy was always there for me as a young girl has influenced me greatly. He wasn't perfect.....but he loved me......and a lot of that was passed to me by his presence in my life as a youngster...
like i said before - if one has strengths in one area (poopy diapers) and the other has strengths in others (cooking/cleaning/playing) then it's okay for responsibilities to be shared and divided.....
ok, i've said enough today.....
ha! yeah, i handled most "dirty" jobs and john the more "clean" jobs... to this day, papa jc is the one who folds the clothes...he actually seems to enjoy it!!!
we're quite a team...
after 25 years, we're finally getting the hang of things.... it takes YEARS of working things out...part of the fun (?) is the process!!!
Jess,
I will say that if the daddy does not bond with the child early on, it is much more difficult to bond later. I learned with my first two and, as you can see, the third one is attached to daddy. Daddy can feed, bathe, rock, carry, push in a stroller, brush teeth and put to bed. If the child has only known mommy to give them everything they need, they can come to expect mommy to be the only one who can do it right. Bad place to be in.
The best way to get daddy to help is with encouragement. When he tries to help, don't tell him what he is doing wrong, but encourage him in what he is doing right.
Jess,
I need Richy to call me at the church about Radiant assets. I tried the cell phone and your home phone and only get answering machines. Could you please pass on the message?
That is true Mama.....I think Dads are for fun and moms are for all the work stuff. I wouldn't know but that sounds right.
yello
it's weird... all the daddy stuff was making me sad, too...
I still think of my daddy, you know? Not my husband as a daddy
i'm sorry jess - i cannot imagine...
was it this time of year?
It was April, but we always start getting sad around this time....
Tomorrow will be guys day... we will once again try the male led blog experience.
later gators
i have read the posts and just have time to say "hi"
calvin is like a father to so many like me...he was a dad to me since my teens...and a great example of a fun and caring father and grandfather
many years of family time fun
g, i may get a teaching job at your school...
mama, how u doin?
let's gettogether soon
jess, was my first "kid"; we spent lots of time at the park and other adventures....i loved holding toby and kai....it was a great upperbody workout and great practice for my grandmother role coming soon....
Good luck with that, Josh!
Cool, daddies are just for fun!
“Josh will you change his diaper?”
“Nope, Linda said daddies are just for fun!”
“Josh will you clean up that puke?”
“Nope, Linda said daddies are just for fun!”
“Josh will you wipe his nose?”
“Nope, Linda said daddies are just for fun!”
smh - i don't know anything about the jacket...... but i emailed Lindz to ask her and told her your were asking on the blog..
hi beth
hi servant - hope test turned out an A!
terri - i was planning on coming to the eatin's tonight, but my grandmother advises that i shouldn't get out :-) my ear is still totally plugged up and roaring...... but i MUST return to work tomorrow, so MUST take care of myself...... wish i could perhaps 'sample' the fish (eww) tacos..... (don't like hte sound of fish (eww) tacos..... :-)
hannah's pushing me off the computer now.....
bye all!!!
the jacket reappeared on the back row of the sanctuary in front of the sound booth on Monday night! Yippee, says Lindsey...
blessings to all
peace love health and prosperity
What’s luck got to do with it, got to do with it?
Man Sharon, You do NOT look like a Granny at all..imagine a granny of 3.... or is it more?
Imagine a firm taco shell with a whole entire fish sitting in it..
That is what I expected..I was so grosed out....and then, o my goodness...I got to actually try one. My first experience was from Sharon Shluter@Frances Posinskis house 100 years ago....(just realized I have been faithful to this homegroup for more than 5 years) Sharon made them with popcorn shrimp and that was the BOMB!
Then about a year after that, TerrI-bo-berrI introduced them with fish sticks, and you know what, they are just as awesome.
Yummy......I am hungry already.
after all this advertizing I wonder if Connie will have enough chairs......haha
Red Robin (a northern restaurant) has really good fried cod tacos.
josh - i'll have to tell you that we arE REALLY looking forward to experiencing your neck-o-the-woods..... this is a FIRST for us...to go and do this much for a whole week....... but it's so much fun planning it together.
you Woodlands folk have all kinds of high-falootin' rest-ee-rants...... and us Cut n Shooters have the basic Zipps pizzas, Subways, or Jack in the Box tacos down on the corner.....
SIVAD you DOO look good or a granny.....
are you feeling any better?
i still can't say fish and tacos in the same phrase (ewww)...
i think true Texans can't put the two in the same phrase.....
maybe some day i'll experience them...
some times i wish we could move to the city....... and be closer to rest-tee-rants...
but, alas, we is stuck in the country........
faaaaarrrrrrrM' LIvin' is the life for ME!!!
I make fish tacos with catfish nuggets ...... yummy
right now it hurts so much to swallow... ruining my food appreciation
MPC, glad you’re looking forward to seeing this part of the country. Vacation that involve planning and activities are usually a lot of fun. I don’t think Shannon responded to your question the other day, I say just use the bus for the few days you’re here after the tour. Seattle has good bus transit that seems to go everywhere. It’d probably be too much to rent a car just for the couple days, but not sure.
Cool, you have a Reb Robin there now. They have some good unique burgers and items. We went there a couple weeks ago and the staff sang happy birthday to 8 people, just in the hour we were there. They have good chili also, and other stuff.
we'll have to go to Reb Robin soon...
sivad - what IS this crud??? i just heard back from the doc that they want me to come back for a recheck (i had called him today because my ear is HORRIBLE in its roaring and deafness) but i am determined to return to work Wednesday..... i'll go for recheck of ear at 3 p.m. after i work 9 hours!
josh - will a bus get us from downtown to our cabin site??? which is at
2705 SW 164th Place
Seattle, Washington 98166
and then, do you think that location is close enough to a bus route for other sight seeing or shopping, etc outings???
sivad, i was trying to imagine a fish taco.....and in my estimation, it would def taste best on corn tortillas......
(LIKE I WOULD KNOW!)
JOSH - what is the scoop going on on Memorial Day Weekend in Seattle??? all the cheap hotels are booked up! the clipper tour guy said they were going quickly..... and then when John was arranging a room last night for our first evening, we had to go to a fairly expensive room!!!in downtown.... we're gonna be livin' it up!!!
So Jess, curious what Richy thinks about Macs being based on Intel chips now. Did he see the Mac Mini announcement today? I figure he doesn’t care much, bur curious.
pray for Lisa F. is being scheduled for surgery - found a mass in her abdomen......
LORD INCREASE OUR FAITH!!! and touch our sister... in the Name Of Jesus...
On this note, I'm signing off for the night... I promise...
Love you all and glad to have this avenue of relationship, since I don't have much opportunity to talk to any of you on a regular basis any where else...
Click Here to put in attractions or addresses to get bus route info. I put in “Victoria Clipper” for trip start, and you cabin address for trip end and they do have a bus route, if you’re willing to walk up to one mile. I don’t know about that cause then you’d have to walk a mile to get back to the bus line when you wanted to go site seeing.
You can use this site to see if you can get what you want.
Blessings!
I just need to say that 'Red Robin' has the awesomenessest : ) strawberry lemonade! There are Many Real Stawberry chunks in it.. & if you ask for a long spoon (like I did) you can dig them out of the ice (why waste them??) & be careful, they are free refills & when they bring another one, they'll try to take the glass that is getting low.. say "whoaaa, there!.. I gotta finish my strawberries!" *grin* : D
you are that, HR
folkies: tomorrow Toby has a doctors appt in downtown H-town....
However I will be here for the kick off of guys day. I will lay out the rules but you gals better behave... and your alter egos (you know who you are)...
Gents: 50 actual comments before noon and no blogspamming
Ladies speak when spoken to directly by a male
OKAY for the spazzes: this is just for fun because how often do guys get to talk w/o us interrupting?
Only when they're alone.... so consider yourself a fly on the wall and enjoy the maleness
I'll post the official rules tomorrow morning
Sandbagger #1
Lsat!
:0)
hey look!!
dsl!!!
yaay
oh.....LSAT!
Happy Clammy,
Are you pretending to be surprised at being lsat?
SBR
Who in here has been to see DR. Clouthier.....??
Any body wanna tell Terr-I what they think of him?
Maybe tomorrow when everyone is actually awake and not sittin round being a sandbagger (SBR)
i don't know what a sandbagger is, but this is just when i get to blog for a few minutes....it's my time of day..
i wasn't being surprised....i was being sure not to forget
oh vkg, thanks for the hug last night; i needed it
8)
Happy Happy clammy,
I think that Hot Rod Speed Racer is referring to some sort of baseball term when he calls all of us night owls sandbaggers.
I think that sbr means someone who steals the bases at the last minute when no one is paying attention.
Just a guess......but it sounds right.
:0)
Rumor has it that your sweety pie asked everyone on the blog (except me) what kind of cookies they liked.
Then the sweety made them and gave them out@church.....
What an angel. Where did you find this guy? YOu hit the jack pot.
MOG......BAKES,,,,,Student....hangs out w/Wife while she works..etc.
What a guy!
Night all
wow...it looks like i really am lsat....
good night bloggies
sweet dreams
very informative vkg!
8)
LSAT LSAT LSAT....till Speedy Gonzolas comes to the rescue....
Wonda how much Tobias Paxton will be weighin in @ manana....
HMMM
10.3 lbs
ok ok
goodnight
FRIST!
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